Another birthday has passed and I am another year closer to something I cannot imagine and further away from so much that I cannot forget. It is a quiet and uneasy moment when you realize that the person you are at this very moment is so very far away from what you remember as being familiar. Tonight I am quiet and still. I let the city breathe its frigid breath all around me and I absorb the fact that what once was will never be again. I stare out of freezing windows where I cannot tell if what comes from my mouth is the smoke from my cigarette or the bitter air my breath meets at this opening. The air from the radiator rattles and screams at the top of its lungs to be released from its boiling prison, yet I am calm. Soon we can say it is the dead of winter. Soon the snow will be a blanket upon the ground. All will be buried in it's quiet and cold death and will sleep and wait for the sun to once more show it's kind warmth. And I feel as though I am losing touch like a balloon tied to a string in the hands of a careless and distracted child. At which point do I disappear into the atmosphere or get swallowed by a cloud or maybe just simply burst under the rising pressure. I will want not and I will blow where the wind takes me. I will not be afraid to love or to let go. Live life like water and wind, add the fire, watch it burn, become the earth, feed the soil and watch all things slowly grow as they are fed by the water and spread by the wind.

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