I have just signed my lease for the apartment I will be living in for the next year in Brooklyn. Part of me is elated and so excited to be settling into this new life. Another part of me says that in my history this year of letting go and flighting from one place and state of mind to another am I really ready for that kind of commitment? I can barely commit to what outfit to wear out for the evening, what song to play for the moment, and now a written agreement that I won't be going anywhere else for at least another year? I think I'm ready. I hold my breath and close my eyes and sign. I'm in it for the long haul, this bitch isn't going anywhere. Maybe when the snow starts to really fall I will panic and bail, I think. Probably not. Stop looking for excuses for your life to be anything less than extraordinary. It's a terrifying feeling to actually live how you want to instead of how you should but I couldn't ask for anything more. Anything more than this just becomes greedy and silly.
All in good time I will find my bearings as I don't feel that I have quite gotten a hold on them yet. All in good time I will finish writing my opus and be able to share this music with the world instead of shows for 2 or 3 people in a strange living room or bedroom. All in good time I will find a worthwhile companion and have somebody to keep my bed warm at night. All in good time. All in good time. And yes, time is good, very very good. It gives me the tools to learn patience, the power to make things immediate, the opportunity to learn what to want and to make it happen. It will happen.
And more than anything in the world, I miss my dog.
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